Yesterday I handed a cell phone to my 10-year old daughter Naomi and said, “Now you have your own phone number.” Her first text came from me, her first call from her mother. I added our numbers in her address book as “Mommy” and “Daddy” even though she and her little sister Erika call us something more like “Mama” and “Dada”. “Dada” is something you say, not write.
We started sharing the new number with loved ones which immediately resulted in a call from my mom and a text from my sister-in-law. It’s hard to write back with a flip phone, and I gently explained that ALL CAPS IS SHOUTING as I adjusted the settings. Not that I mind if Naomi writes, “HI DADDY” in all caps to me again.
I woke up this morning thinking about how the cell phone represents an inbox that somebody should check periodically for as long as it exists. For now I really only mean text messages and missed calls since I haven’t even explained voicemail yet, let alone set it up. I wonder if we should treat this phone more like postal mail. Teresa and I could check it and let Naomi know if something came for her. In practice, it was Teresa who carried Naomi’s phone around yesterday when we were apple picking. Naomi doesn’t even have pockets. At the soccer field yesterday, a mom mentioned that since the ringer is always off, she doesn’t expect her 5th grader to ever pick up. It’s fine for a kid to say, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”
Logically speaking, we sort of backed into the decision to hand our kid a cell phone. She’s quite comfortable using an iPad and I wondered if she could just send messages from there instead, at least while she’s at home. We talked briefly about the idea of hooking up a land line, or getting a cell phone to keep at home that belongs to the whole family. With a device or phone at the house, she could return home and inform us that she missed the bus, for example. A cell phone is more practical, however, when you want to say, “I’m locked out.” She has outgrown and graduated from the after school program she’s been in since kindergarten so there are more opportunities for her to be independent, even alone, for short periods of time. For now, we haven’t seriously considered hiring a nanny.
I still have plenty of questions. Could we have gotten by without this cell phone? Should we deactivate it if it turns out it’s never or seldom used? How much do we need to explain wrong numbers and text spam? Do I really expect her to check her voicemail? Is she going to want a non-flip phone that allows for much easier texting? When will she want data and a smart phone? Are kids proud of many friends are regularly calling or texting? When will Erika demand a cell phone?
No regrets yet. I’m looking forward to hearing her cute little voice on the phone.